Kirkaturk Reviews TNG: The Mind's Eye (4x24) (1/2)

"The Mind's Eye" is one of those episodes that, at first glance, seems like a complex mystery plot with a dash or two of political intrigue. When we examine it a bit more closely, however, it's pretty damn simplistic and practically yells the plot out to the viewer. There is one plot twist, but it's not that big of a deal. That's not to say it isn't a good episode - how could an episode about a blind guy with Asperger's Syndrome not be great?

So check it - Picard has sent Geordi LaForge, chief engineer of the Enterprise, to an artificial intelligence seminar on Risa. Why he's sending the chief engineer and not, for example, the artificial intelligence acting as Lieutenant Commander on his ship is a mystery to me. Picard told Geordi to get there a few days early in order to enjoy himself and maybe stop obsessing about warp engines for a little while.

We join Geordi as he relaxes onboard a shuttle and slams back a few drinks, listening to some totally boss spanish guitar. Geordi calls up Majel Barrett on the computer and asks what the weather is like on Risa, and is informed that the weather there is climate controlled and quite awesome.

Risa is the number one tourist and shore leave destination in the entire Federation. Everybody busts ass all year onboard their respective ship just so they can get a couple of free lovin' days on what they may as call Eroticon VI. It's pretty telling of Geordi's nerd-dom if he knows absolutely nothing about it. Geordi is the sort of guy that, if he were alive today, would Google "what is a cover charge?".

Anyway, a Romulan warbird shows up and Geordi clumsily pounds on his control panel in an attempt to escape. His shields fail (No, they aren't shot at, they just... fail.) and he's whisked aboard the IRW Fuckboat. Roll opening credits.

Meanwhile, in the sub-plot...

So the Enterprise is giving a ride to a Klingon Ambassador Kell over to the Kriosian system, which is right on the border between the Federation and the Klingon Empire. They're trying to gain independence because blah blah oh my god who cares. The long and short of it is that the governor of the colony thinks the Federation is feeding the rebels weapons and whatnot, and Kell is heading over to ease some tensions. As a side note, Kell has the body of the Michelin Man.

Back to Geordi. As a trained military man, Geordi knows what to do when captured by enemy forces - writhe around like a child and crack really awful jokes when you're trapped into a torture chair. They jack his VISOR and plug him into their little neural viewfinder. Geordi says "Oh my god everything is pictures of C-Sections why are you doing this to me?", while the Romulan officer strokes his Fu Manchu and cackles about Flash Gordon. Oh and they send a duplicate Geordi to Risa to get laid in his stead. I hope this doppleganger has an equally extensive knowledge of Warhammer figurines!

As he's torturing Geordi, the Romulan officer kindly explains to the viewer at home (Represented here by Tasha Y- Uh, I mean Sela.) that he's going to use Geordi as an untraceable assassin through the use of his neural implants. Okay, so hold up here... is this the Romulan dude's first pitch to his superior officer? Was he like "Hey, I have a great idea on how to assassinate someone, but you gotta capture this blind guy first."? It seems like this is his first time explaining the plan to Sela... the IRW Fuckboat must be a pretty lax ship. And Sela is a bit overly critical about the whole thing, as if she's expecting him to trip and fall over his shoelaces at any moment. This is not a good military operation.

Anyway, the scene ends with Geordi being shown more scat porn.

Back on the Enterprise, Kell and Worf butt heads about the Federation possibly supplying the rebels in the Kriosian system. They also make some references to other episodes about Worf and his dealings with the high council. Alright whatever.

Next up, Geordi gets back from his vacation! Wait a minute, what are Romulans doing in Ten Forward? Oh, I see - it's a simulation! Oh ho ho, you Star Trek writers know how to fake a guy out. The Romulan dudes command Geordi to shoot Chief O'Brien and, after some hesitation, totally blows his phaser-wad all over Colm Meaney's chest. And then he sits down with the two men O'Brien had been enjoying a drink with, who don't seem phased at all by what just happened. I like to imagine that's how they would actually react in real life, since the bridge crew on the Enterprise seems to get away with all sorts of awful shit.

So Geordi gets back to the Enterprise with no idea that he's been tortured for the past few days. We're treated to a hilaaaarious scene between Geordi and Data where Data doesn't get a joke and awkwardly reiterates how it could be construed as funny. Really, Star Trek writers? Still pulling out that chestnut in Season 4? Alright whatever. Geordi hits up the bridge, meets up with the A-Team and Ambassador Kell, and then totally brags to Counsellor Troi that he got his geeky dick sucked on Risa. And that's how you know his story was a fabrication!

During this whole scene Geordi is carrying his little duffelbag and I really wish the producers had been brave enough to go with their original plan of him wearing a Hawaiian shirt the whole time. Instead, we're stuck with boring ol' gold.

So now Picard and Riker are down on the Klingon colony and the governor is losing his shit about finding Federation weapons on some rebels. Picard plays it off cool and says "Hey, listen, we ain't involved in this shit. I don't hang out with those dudes.", but the Klingon governor says he lies like a Tah-Keck, which is the Klingon word for 'woman'. Picard spits that shit back in his face and cusses him out like a Klingon-Italian and things settle down a bit. Sure whatever.

Back on the Enterprise, Geordi is back in the saddle and annoying the shit out of his engineering by constantly cracking jokes about how he was JUST ON RISA, GUYS! OH MAN I SHOULD GO BACK AND LIVE THERE, HAHA. Anyone who has ever had a friend go on vacation has experienced this, and it's infuriating to listen to. Yeah, you got your chest licked by some Risian ladyboy, we get it, sir. If Geordi ever becomes cool enough to smoke weed or, heaven forbid, sip some of his dads beer, he's going to call up everyone he knows to let them know just how high and/or drunk he is right now, man.

He then heads over to Ten Forward and, in some sort of Freudian drink-slip, spills his booze all over... Chief O'Brien! There's some weirdness going on here! What's gonna happen next? A staff briefing? Perhaps... a level 3 diagnostic?

Continued in Part 2